


Is Love Alive?

by AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Don't Post To Another Site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Roleswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 21:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate/pseuds/AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate
Summary: In essence: Emulate Patton. He is the ideal of what Logic should be. Maybe he should be Logic. He certainly is already cut out for the job.OR: Logan begins to think the others hate him and tries to change. His famILY is having none of that. Inspired by a personality swap over on Tumblr!





	Is Love Alive?

**Author's Note:**

> ... I got inspired by some art and here we are. Look up @nonbinarylogan on Tumblr for my inspiration. Sorry Roman and Virgil didn't make it in! I realized too late I was writing them normally and just... was too lazy to change it. Enjoy!

Logan woke slowly, feeling worse than he ever had. The past few days had been rough on him– rough on all of them, actually– but the others were dealing well so why wasn’t Logan? Just because no one had been listening to him didn’t mean he was allowed to feel bad. The others were all going through their own problems right now; they didn’t need to be distracted by Logan’s silly emotions that he really shouldn’t even have. He was Logic! Logic shouldn’t have emotions! He shouldn’t be allowed to cry or laugh or feel sad or feel angry. He should be calm, collected, detached… like Patton. He should be more like Patton. 

 

A sob bubbled up in his throat at the thought of Patton, and he tried desperately to shove it down. He needed to stop being so sensitive. He couldn’t afford to cry over the truth every time his stupid feelings were hurt. Logan knew he should get out of bed, but there was no energy available to give to his limbs. 

 

“Come on, Logan, don’t be stupid. You need to get up. The others are counting on you to be positive,” he muttered, anger transitioning to deep, aching sadness. He’d accepted his role a long time ago, but sometimes he just… wanted to be allowed to feel bad. But that was contradictory. He shouldn’t have emotions, therefore he shouldn’t ever feel bad, but he also wanted to be allowed to feel bad without feeling guilty. What was wrong with him?! 

 

_ Shut up, Logan, no one cares,  _ Patton’s voice echoed in his mind. Logan choked out another sob, clapping his hands over his mouth to try and muffle the noise. It hurt, but it was true. Why should the truth hurt? The truth was objective, factual,  _ logical _ . Why was Logic hurt by the truth? 

 

After far too long lying around in bed holding back his tears, Logan rolled out of bed and moved to get dressed. He moved to pull on his favourite fluffy, flowy, star-patterned dress, but Patton’s voice again stopped him.  _ How can we take you seriously if you don’t dress professionally?  _ Logan’s hands trembled and his throat closed up. Patton was right. He couldn’t be Logic and dress like a child. Who cared if his negative feelings seemed to melt away in the folds of that skirt? It wasn’t professional. It wasn’t  _ serious enough  _ for Patton, so it wasn’t alright for Thomas. Reluctantly, sadly, he snapped himself into his normal outfit. He moved to leave his room, knowing that Patton would be awake soon and would be angry if there wasn’t a cheerful Logan making breakfast when he entered the kitchen, but stopped, the loose ends of his tie catching his eyes. Logan knew how annoyed Patton always had been with Logan’s lack of a properly-tied necktie. And with how the past few days had been going… anything could set Patton off. Anxiety spidered up to choke Logan as thoughts of Patton’s anger began to whisper in his mind. He needed to tie his tie. He quickly did, taking an extra moment to make sure that he looked perfectly professional and put together. Anything to make Patton tolerate him for just one more day.

* * *

 

Virgil entered the kitchen, desperate for coffee. Yes, it would worsen his anxiety, and the last few days weren’t helping either, but he needed to stay awake more than anything else. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking, and startled as he saw Logan finishing some cinnamon rolls. His tie was fully tied for once in his life, his hair was perfect, his clothes were perfect… by all accounts, Logan was the perfect picture of Logic. And that is what was worrying Virgil. Logan was a little messy and sweet and emotional; he didn’t ever look perfect like this. Something was wrong. 

 

“Logan?” Virgil asked, voice high and soft. Logan spun around, and Virgil recoiled a bit. Logan’s smile was too wide, it was too bright, it wasn’t  _ real _ . His eyes were too big, too blank, too guarded. Every movement was too calculated. Every hair was too perfect. Everything was just wrong wrong wr _ ong wrong  _ **_wrong_ ** . 

 

“Virgil! Breakfast should be done in around five minutes if you’re hungry!” Logan chirped, clapping his hands together. Virgil nodded and moved to pour himself a large mug of coffee, only to find Logan shoving his favourite Nightmare Before Christmas mug into his hands with a beam. “Two creams, three sugars! Enjoy, Virgil!” With that, Logan turned back to finishing the glaze for the cinnamon rolls, leaving a confused and terrified Virgil standing behind him. Something was definitely wrong. 

 

“Um, Logan? Is everything okay?” Virgil asked, voice shaking. Logan stopped and turned around, his fake, brittle smile never falling. 

 

“Of course, Virge. Why wouldn’t it be?” the Logical side chirped, something that didn’t match his words swirling in his eyes. Virgil bit his lip and fidgeted with his mug, indecision freezing his words in his throat and his feet in place. 

 

“You just seem… off?” Virgil muttered. Logan giggled and waved off Virgil’s concerns, just like Virgil knew he would, and quickly finished frosting the cinnamon rolls, placing them on the table just as Patton and Roman walked in. Logan’s eyes shuttered and his smile grew even wider as he practically snapped to attention, hands clasped perfectly in front of him. 

 

“Good morning, Patton, Roman,” Logan greeted. Patton nodded in return and went to fix himself a cup of coffee, while Roman simply dropped down onto the table and didn’t even acknowledge Logan’s greeting. Virgil’s eyes narrowed as he saw Logan’s smile drop for just a second before returning in full force as the Logical side went about making sure everyone was comfortable. All the while, Virgil kept track of the trembling in Logan’s hands, the sharpness behind his eyes, the too-large-to-be-real grin adorning his face, and knew that something was eventually going to give. And give something did, as Logan’s fingers went to adjust his tie (why wasn’t he using the cube or the tangle to fidget with?) and Patton’s eyebrow arched. 

 

“An Oriental knot today, Logan? Feeling informal?” Patton asked, sipping his coffee. Logan froze, just utterly froze. He stopped moving, he stopped talking, he stopped blinking, he stopped breathing, and Virgil was fairly certain that his heart had stopped as well. Minor trembles started to race through Logan’s frame, but he quickly straightened up, murmured an “Excuse me” to the other Sides, and practically sprinted out of the kitchen, heading off to who-knew-where.  Patton’s brows furrowed in confusion, as did Roman’s, and Virgil clenched his jaw. He knew that argument from five days ago was still bothering Logan; Patton hadn’t even apologized for some of the things he’d said. 

 

“There he goes, probably off on another pointless journey to learn something else for a class he wants Thomas to take,” Roman muttered. Patton just hummed in agreement and continued sipping on his coffee. That was the last straw for Virgil. 

 

“Or maybe,” Virgil icily replied, “just maybe, he left because you never apologized for insinuating that he was unnecessary and an inconvenience the other day and you just now insulted the work he clearly put into his appearance.” Patton finally seemed to realize what Logan could possibly be upset about and bit his lip, obviously struggling to comprehend the situation. Virgil understood. Patton believed strongly in always doing the right thing, and he’d clearly  _ not  _ done the right thing if Logan was hurting because of him. 

 

“I should go apologize, then,” Patton ventured. Virgil nodded, Patton nodded, and the Moral Side left, following after Logan to try and rectify his mistakes. Roman looked at Virgil, confused. 

 

“Are we… have we really been that cruel to Logan?” Roman asked. Virgil sighed but nodded assent before placing a comforting hand over Roman’s. 

 

“What’s done is done, Ro. Now, Patton has to try and fix things before it’s too late.”

* * *

 

_ Knock knock _ . “Logan? I would like to talk to you.” Patton waited for an answer for a solid minute, but none came. Patton frowned and knocked again. “Logan? Please come out, I wish to speak with you.” No answer. Patton grit his teeth and knocked again. “Logan, come out, now. We need to talk.” Still no response. Patton growled. “Logan, I will break down this door if you don’t answer me right this second.” Still no response. Patton huffed and stepped back. “I warned you, Logan. I’m coming in.” With that, Patton reared his foot back and slammed it into the wood next to the doorknob, causing Logan’s door to burst inward, revealing… an empty room. Oh. 

 

“Note to self: fix that door before Logan notices,” Patton mumbled, stepping into the room. After a brief check to confirm that Logan was nowhere in the room, Patton turned to leave and maybe check another area to find the Logical Side when he paused, something catching his eye. Even though most of Logan’s room was a mess (at least, in Patton’s eyes), everything normally had a place. This sheet of paper, however, was decidedly not in its place, and that concerned Patton. Logan freaked out whenever things were not in their place, so he would never leave something lying around like this. Patton stooped to pick it up, determined to figure out why this piece of paper was out of place. 

 

**_Things I Have To Change:_ **

 

  * **_**_My clothing choices- Patton finds my lack of professionalism annoying and a hindrance to work. Only tie formal knots in the tie and always tie your tie. Get rid of your dresses. Not only are they childish, but they make you look idiotic. You don’t need comfort from them because you don’t need comfort._**_**


  * **_My jokes- Patton dislikes it when I tell puns. In fact, Patton dislikes when I tell any jokes. They annoy him. To rectify this, stop telling jokes and making puns. Do not respond to set-ups for the perfect pun. Do not make jokes, even to lighten the mood during a discussion with Thomas. Maintain professionalism at all times._**


  * **_My cheerfulness- Patton finds my (perceived) eternal optimism grating. I need to work on lessening my smiles and being more practical. Sometimes arguments are necessary. I should be able to handle it when the others do not get along. The fact that I cannot is a sign that I need to change this._**


  * **_My enthusiasm- Patton is constantly annoyed by my enthusiasm about learning. He says it gets in the way of Thomas seeing his friends. As such, stop asking for Thomas to take classes (even if I really like astronomy and when Thomas is learning I feel loved because I don’t need love so I shouldn’t need that stupid astronomy class) and stop talking about Special Interests (or anything the others don’t love, really) around them. Animals, Disney, and Tim Burton movies are acceptable, however (even if dogs and spiders scare me so much, they make Patton and Virgil happy, so I can handle it)_**


  * **_My mannerisms- Patton has expressed annoyance over my humming, my flapping, my chewing, and my fidgeting multiple times in the past. I need to stop doing them, at first where he can see them, and then at all. I don’t need the feeling of relief, I am Logic, I don’t need relief. It will be for the best._**



 

**_In essence: Emulate Patton. He is the ideal of what Logic should be. Maybe he should be Logic. He certainly is already cut out for the job._ **

 

The crumpling and tearing of paper brought Patton back to reality and he glanced down, noticing how tightly his fists were gripping the paper. He loosened the muscles in his hands and set the list down, trying to steady his breathing. Did Logan… really think this? That Patton hated all of the things that made him… him? That Patton wanted him to  _ change _ ?! 

 

A plan began to form itself into Patton’s mind. He needed to show Logan how much he cared, and he knew just how to do it…

* * *

 

Logan woke up the next morning, sadness still aching in his chest. He needed to apologize for breaking down and causing a scene like that, but he also didn’t think he had the energy to get out of bed. 

 

_ Logan! I would like to talk to you! Could you please get down here?  _ Thomas’s voice echoed in his head. Logan sighed and rolled out of bed to get dressed. Thomas needed him, so he had to get up. He walked over to his closet, threw it open, and began to reach for his normal outfit when he froze. All of his men’s formal wear was missing. All that was left in his closet was dresses. 

 

“No no no, this isn’t good, this isn’t good…” Logan babbled, frantically rifling through his closet. He couldn’t walk out in a dress, everyone would think he was silly and stupid and hate him. He couldn’t walk out in pyjamas, because then everyone would think he was a slob and stupid and hate him. He tried to snap himself into his normal outfit, but nothing happened. 

 

_ Logan? I really need you, buddy,  _ Thomas called again. Logan let out a quick sob as indecision wracked his nerves. He couldn’t win, there was no good option here. With tears streaming down his cheeks, Logan slipped into his favourite star dress. He’d figure out better clothing arrangements later. For now, Thomas needed him. 

 

He rose up, smoothed down the fluffy skirt, and then turned to Thomas, hands clasped perfectly in front of him. “Yes, Thomas? What do you require me for?” Thomas blinked, a bit startled. “Oh, um… I just needed you to check over my schedule? Make sure that it’s okay for the next month or so?” Logan nodded and took the proffered sheet of paper, quickly scanning it over. Everything looked perfect. He handed it back to Thomas and told him his thoughts before quickly sinking back into the Mindscape, determined to sort out his clothing situation before any other problem sprung up that needed solving. 

 

Patton glanced up from his sewing as Logan hurried past, calling after him to stop. Logan did, his heart in his throat, as he turned to face Patton’s judgement. He could already hear the jeers, the disappointment, the loss of respect… 

 

“Logan, that dress looks wonderful on you. Why don’t you wear it more often?” Patton suggested, voice filled only with acceptance and authenticity. Logan froze again. Patton… didn’t think he looked unprofessional? Patton wasn’t going to yell at him? 

 

“Er… thank you. Say, have you seen my other clothing? I woke up this morning and the only thing in there was my dresses,” Logan asked, fidgeting with the hem of his dress. Patton took a long sip of his hot cocoa and shrugged. 

 

“No, I haven’t. Strange how everything vanished,” he replied. Logan nodded and turned to keep looking. Patton wouldn’t lie to him; Patton hated lying. Roman might know something about Logan’s missing clothing, so with a quick goodbye to Patton, Logan walked out to go find the Creative side, a small smile fixed on his face.

* * *

 

“Hey, Logan? Could you cheer me up? I’m feeling a little sad,” Virgil asked from his position on the other end of the couch. Logan glanced up from his book, startled. 

 

“Er… are you sure?” Virgil nodded, and Logan nodded before placing his book on the coffee table. He smoothed down his skirt (he still hadn’t been able to find his other clothes) and turned to Virgil. 

 

“Are you aware that there are around 40,000 species of spiders on this planet?” Logan asked. He knew Virgil liked spiders, so maybe this would cheer him up. Virgil, however simply shook his head, and Logan’s smile dropped. What was he doing wrong? 

 

“No, I mean, Logan… could you give me some puns?” Logan frowned, a little startled. Someone actually wanted to hear his puns?

 

“Uh… are you sure?” Logan asked. Virgil nodded, and Logan sucked in some air. “Well… if it will help ground you.” Virgil nodded, and Logan exhaled, nervous. “Speaking of ground, shovels sure were a  _ groundbreaking  _ invention, weren’t they?” Virgil snorted, sparkles dancing in his eyes, giving Logan the courage to continue. “I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I’m aware that I probably won’t get a reaction.” Virgil giggled, causing Logan’s grin to widen even further. “What do you call Batman disguised as a pastry chef? The Crepe'd Crusader.” That one caused Virgil to laugh out loud, treating Logan to that soft, high, wonderful giggle that seemed so out of place for Virgil at first but actually fit him perfectly. 

 

“Thank you, Lo, I really needed that,” Virgil spoke after a while. Logan flushed and nodded slightly. This was probably just a one-time thing. Virgil probably wouldn’t want to hear any other puns for a while. “You really should give us some puns more often, I really like hearing them.” Logan gulped. Virgil didn’t mean that, he didn’t. All of them had expressed annoyance in the past over his puns. He was just saying this to be nice. 

 

“No, really, Lo. I know we all complain, but we’re just joking. We can stop if it bothers you, but I am not lying when I tell you that your puns actually brighten all of our days.” Logan nodded, not quite believing it. Virgil sighed and yanked the logical Side into a hug, causing Logan to let out a small yelp. “Ya goof,” Virgil snorted, “We love you for you, okay?” Logan sighed, accepting his fate. Virgil would go back to normal tomorrow. He should enjoy this while he could. 

 

Except… the next day, Virgil asked the same thing. And yet again, Logan bombarded him with pun after pun. “I make terrible science puns, but only periodically.” “Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.” “I’m positive I just lost an electron.” “Don’t trust atoms, because they make up everything!” “Chemists are great at solving problems because they have all the solutions!” Each time, he waited for Virgil or Patton or Roman to groan and roll their eyes and tell him to shut up. Each time, they just laughed and smiled, thanking Logan for the brief burst of happiness before carrying on with their work. There was a strange lightness in Logan’s chest each time, and his smile grew larger, more real, and stayed longer each time. Perhaps… perhaps his family did enjoy his puns. Perhaps he didn’t annoy them that way, at least.

* * *

 

“Hey, Logan? You okay? You’re not… as cheerful as normal,” Roman asked, glancing up from his sketchpad to lock Logan with a concerned stare. Logan frowned, bookmarked his place in his book, and set his reading down to give Roman his full attention. 

 

“What do you mean?” he asked. Roman frowned and began to wave his hands around as he tried to articulate his thoughts. 

 

“Just… you’re not smiling as much, your voice is flatter, you’re not moving around as much… is something going on with you?” Logan gulped. Oh, Roman had noticed. Did he not appreciate it? “Like, if you’re tired or sad or something, you know you can talk to us, right? Because we all appreciate your cheerfulness and this is honestly a bit scary? And we all just want to help. So just… talk to us if something is wrong, okay?” Tears began to bubble in Logan’s eyes, and Roman’s eyes widened in horror as he practically dove across the couch to cradle Logan’s face in his hands, muttering “I’m sorry, did I make it worse?” and “Oh stars, Lo, stop crying, please, I’m sorry.” Logan sniffed and shook his head, smiling through the tears. 

 

“No, thank you, I just… that means a lot, Roman. Thank you.” Roman nodded and wiped away Logan’s tears before dropping a soft, chaste kiss on his forehead. 

 

“Of course, Lo. You mean a lot to all of us, and we just want to see you happy, okay?” Logan nodded, his grin widening infinitesimally. Roman’s sweetness helped boost Logan’s mood just a bit. He… he really needed to hear something like that today. Roman pulled him into an even tighter hug, causing Logan to let out a squeak. 

 

“Er… Roman?” 

 

“Sh, just let me love you,” Roman hushed. Logan huffed but settled in, resigning himself to his fate of being cuddled into submission by the flamboyant creative Side.

* * *

 

_ Logan? I have something to talk to you about.  _ Logan sat up, confused. What did Thomas need from him this early in the morning? Regardless, his host needed him. With that thought thundering around his skull, fighting away his desire to just crawl back into bed and go back to sleep, he snapped himself into his favourite star dress (he still hadn’t found the rest of his clothing, and it was getting annoying) and popped up into the real world. 

 

“Yes, Thomas?” Logan asked, blowing his bangs out of his eyes as he adjusted his glasses. Thomas smiled slightly before biting his lip nervously, causing anxiety to bubble in Logan’s stomach. Why was Thomas so nervous? About what? Was he in trouble? Had Logan not been doing his job properly? 

 

“Whoa, buddy, calm down. Nothing wrong, everything is fine, you’re fine, I just need to ask you something,” Thomas babbled, gently grabbing Logan’s shoulders before leading him over to the couch. Logan forced himself to keep breathing and focused on slowing down his heartbeat. Thomas wouldn’t lie to him, not about something like this. Logan hadn’t done anything wrong, everything would be okay. Thomas settled the two of them down on the couch, took Logan’s hands into his own, and began to speak. 

 

“So, I have more free time now, and I’d like to ask you: would you rather I take a class on astronomy or botany?” All of Logan’s work on keeping his breathing steady was thrown out the window with that one sentence. Tears streamed down his cheeks for what seemed like the umpteenth time that week alone, only this time, they were tinged with joy. Thomas made a soft noise of concern before yanking Logan into a hug. 

 

“I… thank you, Thomas… I… astronomy. Astronomy would be nice,” Logan whispered. Thomas nodded and rested his head on top of Logan’s. Logan tried to still his muscles, the impulse to flap his arms bubbling up. He couldn’t though, not right now, not where Thomas could see. 

  
“Logan, you can flap your arms if you want. I don’t mind, really.” Logan blinked, shocked. He… really didn’t mind? Thomas sighed and began to card a hand through Logan’s hair, causing the logical Side to melt into a small pile of mush in Thomas’s lap. Thomas chuckled and made no moves to move, his hand continuing to move in Logan’s hair. And there the two of them stayed, cuddling as Thomas tried to show just how much he cared for Logan and his opinions. Finally, he drifted off to sleep, and Thomas sighed. Patton had been right. They really had been cruel to Logan. While he couldn’t fix the past, he  _ could  _ work to change the future. And if that meant sitting on a couch cuddling an affection-starved Logan, if that meant sacrificing sleep to take an astronomy course that would make Logan happy, if that meant hiding all of his other clothes until Logan realized it was okay to wear dresses if they made him comfortable, if it meant encouraging his horrible puns that did make him laugh but also made him cringe, then Thomas would do it. Logan was worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was... awful. Thank you for reading! I'll (hopefully) see you next time!
> 
> ~Logan


End file.
